Me Myself and I
by Kansu
Summary: Killua, betrayed by those he thought he loved. He recollects on his personal thoughts and views wondering if he can pull through. Short one shot. Angsty


Author Notes: I have another fic in progress but until then I have a small one shot in a little taste on my longer fic. So please wait patiently for things take time. Don't mind the small OOCness. Sorry if it sounds a bit Shounen-ai but it is really not. It is quite short I didn't have much inspiration hence it is a prototype for my current fan fiction.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Hunter X Hunter they all belong to their respective owner Yoshihiro Togashi.  
  
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Me Myself and I  
  
'I crouch on the window sill letting the cool autumn breeze pass through my light hoary hair. I reminisce on all the times I have spent with my only close friend, Gon. He made me experience things that I was taught that was only fool's fantasies, things I longed for. But now all that is gone, Gon had found his father and Leorio had already passed his medical exams but Kurapica remains an enigma for me now. I don't care now I ran away because I saw that Gon had lost interest of me, I felt like a used broken toy. I try to say to myself it can't be true, Gon would never do that to me he said he wanted to stay with me until.....he found Gin.  
  
No! I can't be true, Gon promised me he would be by my side but I didn't know if he really had meant it. He had warned me before and the foolish part of me brushed it away, but now I now better. So I ran away, I realized that since I was meant to be alone; walk the lonely path of life unaided, I no longer have Gon's hand to guide me I must accept my fate like a man. Gon used me for his own benefit, and gave me temporary happiness until he crashed me back to the cold hard reality.  
  
I could always return home, but then I would turn again of the monster inside me, the merciless bastard. I wanted to feel warmth through my fingers not blood. I am just a puppet for my family, again being used for their benefits; I have no home or family......just myself. Was I cursed for this? To be a puppet and then disposed never to be used again, and then picked up by someone else?'  
  
The wicked thoughts running through his mind was unbearable even for an individual like him as the tears started flow freely and rapidly. It was hard controlling his now hurtful emotions; he cursed at himself for being so naïve to believe that his encounter and adventures with Gon was true and could last. Gon had hurt him and there is now reason why to deny it now, he couldn't trust anyone because in the long run he only had himself to tell it's going to be alright.  
  
"Why did I trust him? I can't believe all this is like this I thought I was changed for better but I realized it is too good to be true....its just a fantasy like everyone says"  
  
Killua crouched even more bending his knees more towards his face as he tried to muffle the small sobs that tried to escape. The truth had hit him really hard he never knew it would hurt so much, to be used by his 'friends' and he knew he no longer has a reason of living but why he was still here was still lingering in his mind. Being taught never to cry was always in his ego but since he found out the real truth his world collapsed and he choose to run away. He felt like a sad pathetic coward, running away from his problems and then crying like a lost child. Was this the fate of the Zaoldyeck heir? Did it really matter?  
  
"I only have no one else to care"  
  
'I look up and curse the heavens for giving me this kind kismet upon me; I do not know anything or anyone anymore. Gon has betrayed me and there is nothing I could do, of course I could kill him but that would make matters worse......it would be a coward's way out actually. I am trapped in this mind game that is tearing me to shreds, but I can't let it get me because at least I can't let myself down but I'm starting to have doubts. Is there any way out of this? Will I let myself fall? No, not me.....I done too much to lose it so easily, I cannot.  
  
Someday, somehow I will break away and be free from this burden and I will no longer be that bird in the cage. Because I can use Gon's words to help me even though he used me I can still pull through because of him, all those words he told me.'  
  
A small smile began to form on the pale tear stained face of the young assassin. The pain was a slow evanescence, still scarred but healing.  
  
'Even though Gon took away everything of me and my dignity I still will pull through'  
  
I have given and you have taken......  
  
Killua stood up and dropped down and headed towards the door, making the cold wood creak with each step  
  
"I don't care of what anyone else says of me"  
  
*Creak* *Creak*  
  
"I don't need to cry no more"  
  
"I know I can't disappoint myself because I would never try give up"  
  
*Creak* *Creak*  
  
Killua neared the door, he took his final steps.  
  
"I would find my own sunshine because I have something I could never lose"  
  
Because in the end all I have is.......  
  
He put his small hand on the doorknob and gently turned it and pulling on it causing the door to open  
  
"Me, Myself and I"  
  
Killua walked out to start his own destiny, knowing that pain is part of himself. He will only have himself to find out on life, no one else......  
  
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I know it's a really short fic but I had to get it through. I am open for suggestions. I did this in 1037 words, I really don't like this one-shot! 


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